Creature comfort

On Friday we got new couches for our family/play room, which is adjacent to the kitchen, opens to the back yard, and hosts our TV. So basically: a space in which we spend a lot of time. Previously we had a vintage 1960's French-built couch that had been handed down to us from my great Uncle Sam Pray, a beast with a mahogany frame that weighed about 300 pounds. They knew how to make 'em solid back then. The couch (red, holey frame with blue cushions) sported a fraying floral slipcover that fit it poorly - an all around eyesore. We found a decent-quality, sufficiently comfortable couch and loveseat set that we purchased new for less than $600, including taxes and shipping... A price that stunned me, especially in CA.

It's amazing the difference that household items contribute to the feel of a space. There's a study that demonstrates that when broken windows in a neighborhood go unnoticed and unrepaired, that neighborhood's crime rates increase, and this correlations makes sense to me. Spending time in a room that feels slapped together really grates on the senses over time. So I'm especially thankful that we were able to find and afford these, as their presence is greatly enhancing my day-to-day home life already.

"Hair" we are, 3 months into our new life...

Last week when my mom was here, I got my hair cut. Bored with my current length and style, I got something different... though not this cut. This photo was taken in November 1997 after Y. and I had been together for about 10 days -- and just before I left for a 4-month trip to Africa. He hated it but didn't say so at the time, though he isn't shy now about his feelings on it. If ever I talk about doing something different with my hair, he asks me not to cut it like this. Gotta love husbands, huh? This time I just shortened it and had some real layers put in - something I usually avoid for fear of ending up with some 80's horror - and had the hairdresser actually teach me how to style it. 32 years old and completely devoid of experience using any styling implement except a hair dryer. It's embarassing. The one time I ever used a curling iron I burned a spot of flesh in my forehead minutes before walking down the aisle as a bridesmaid in a friend's wedding. But this time I took the bull by the horns and bought both curling and flat irons, and now am playing teenager and experimenting...

So now I have a new hairstyle and Y. - with exposure to eternal sun and a dab of Sun-In -has gone (back to) blond. Amazing what 3 months in CA can do. It would be nice if the emotional adjustment to our new life in CA could be as quick and complete as a haircut. I continue to be surprised by the process... How days of feeling settled-in and "normal" here are mixed in with days of feeling out-of-place and homesick. For both of us, though probably for Y. even more than me. It's not a linear process at all -- it's almost like the emotional/experiential side needs time to catch up to the objective, thinking side. In theory, we're on board with this phase of life and our new home. In practice and mood, we're just not fully there yet, at least not most of the time. Kind of a jet lag of the soul.

I observe in myself, too, a continual desire and temptation to manage the transition and decide for myself when things will change. I even see this in my prayer life: "OK, God, I can see that you're doing xx in this phase, and while we may not love it, you're growing us. Fine. Let's agree that all that will be done by the time fall ends, and then we can move onto something more fulfilling." Comical.
Thank goodness for good ol' King David, and prayers like these to (re)direct me: "But I trust in you, O Lord; I say, 'You are my God.' My times are in your hands." (Ps. 31)

Dropping like flies

So Y., we have just discovered, has shingles. Who would have thought? He's had a rash on his neck for nearly two weeks now, and it didn't dissipate at all while he was away last week in Georgia, so on Monday he went to the doctor. Shingles. Didn't see that coming! Fortunately it's not a bad case, doesn't really bother him, and should go away on its own within a couple weeks.

To review, though, in the past month we've had:
Me - with a persistent widespread rash stemming from an allergy no-brand sunscreen. Y. -shingles. Angus - mange. And J. had his first real rash, raised bumps across most of his body, a few weeks ago, which resolved itself after two days. Only Q. has been free of skin issues since our move here.
What should we make of this - are we allergic to California?

Making lemonade

Just before the kids and I left to drive my mom back to the airport on Thursday, Y. called from Georgia saying he'd gotten word that he'll be doing another out-of-state training for the second half of October. Oh joy. It's a good one and one he's lucky to be getting it so early... but in the blink of an eye, I saw basically three weekends and two weeks of our fall wash down the drain. So all told, Y. will be away for 7 out of 13 weeks in the Aug - Oct months, but who's counting (or whining)? Not thrilled.

To help me stay positive, I decided to take the bull by the horns and plan a long weekend away for the kids and me during Y's absence to visit our dear friends Kari and Matt in Minneapolis. They have twin boys born a month before Q. whom I've never met. After some connecting with Kari and spending a lot of time on the phone with various airlines sorting out my frequent flier miles... the tickets are booked and we are going. Good thing I now have three flying-alone-with-both-kids experiences under my belt to draw on. This will be my first trip with layovers, so I'm going to need them! But I'm very excited.

In other updates... My mom got home following a lovely visit and our 2nd trip to LAX was thankfully as uneventful as the first; J. is 100% potty-trained for pee but poops almost exclusively in his pull-up at night-time or nap-time (normal at the start, I understand); Y. returned home from GA early this afternoon; Angus is still miserable and scratching up a storm, but this is normal for two weeks following the medicine he received on Tuesday...
Onward and upward!

Our mangy mutt - literally

Poor Angus. 2008 has been a rough year for him. First he had a knee injury... then ACL surgery... then 10 weeks of rehab. All before May. He flew out to join us in mid-July and has seemed itchy ever since. Ajdusting to the drier climate, we thought at first. Then, after further scratching - perhaps allergies? We talked to the gardener about whether fertilizer was being used on the lawn (it wasn't). Finally two weeks ago we took him to a local vet, a lovely Egyptian man named Fahmi who lives two houses down from us, who was unsure but guessed allergies. Yesterday Fahmi stopped by after work to see how Angus was doing. (Gotta love a vet who makes house calls!) Answer: worse. Itching continually; had rubbed most of the fur off one of his ears; miserable. Fahmi took one look at him and told me to bring him today.

When we went in this afternoon, I learend that Angus had lost six pounds in two weeks and his itchy spots presented differently. Fahmi guessed mange. Mange! A "highly contagious infestation of a burrowing mites that dig into and through the skin, causing intense itching and crusting." Fahmi took several skin scrapings till eventually he was able to locate a mite under the microscope - and even showed it to me. Dear, sad Angus - a truly 'mangy mutt.' We think he's had it since before he left New England. Now that we've identified and are treating the real issue - hopefully he'll be a much happier dog soon.

My mom's gift: her presence (among other things)

Three cheers for my mom, who arrived midday today for a four-day visit. As luck would have it, Y. left for a weeklong trip to Georgia for a training, flying out of LAX just a few hours before she landed, so they're missing each other - about which both are sad. (Though it is great for me to have my mom in town at a time when I'd otherwise be alone all week... and fortunately both my parents will visit in November when Y. will be home.) The kids and I picked her up at LAX and had a happily uneventful trip to and from the airport, even arriving sufficiently early to park and meet her inside. $3 and a spot 100 yds from the terminal - can't complain about that!

My mom is a personal hero for me, a woman who incorporates enormous wisdom and grace in her day-to-day living in a nonchalant and therefore compelling way. She is a go-to advice person about all manner of life issues, not just for me but for a number of my friends and others. This photo shows how much joy she brings to, and receives from, her loved ones.

A boy and his snails

Meet Sammy and Simon, our new backyard buddies... A daily highlight for J.

On toddler toileting...

So That Era, that infamous season of parenting, is finally upon us. The dreaded Potty Training. I've been told by several of my mentor moms that it's their least favorite aspect of parenting, and truth be told, I can see why. There's just nothing fun about it. One knows it has to be doable to train a kid to pee and poop with control, since it is a behavior that all children everywhere - regardless of upbringing or nationality - exhibit. But still, when the time comes to actually kick off the process with one's firstborn, it's awfully daunting.

After talking it up for weeks with J., we kicked off yesterday with the assistance of the 3 Day Potty Training Guide, an e-book that was forwarded to me by a woman, Courtney, I'd met at my moms' retreat last weekend (which was very good and well worth attending, by the way). Courtney successfully utilized the program with her son last year, so I thought - why not? Worst that could happen is that we wouldn't be done in three days, which was my starting expectation anyway. And the strategy the author lays out seems reasonable.

We now have two loooong days under our belts, about 60% of which has been spent in the bathroom. I'm feeling housebound, cranky, and rather burned out (already!), but all told I'd say it's all going fairly well. J. is cooperative and enthusiastic - actually, overly so since every 10 ish minutes, he claims he has to pee and jaunts off to the loo, whereupon he typically eeks out about 1 tsp of pee with jubilation. I'm hoping he'll eventually get acclimated to the new sensations and arrive at a more normal - and manageable - interval. This evening he shocked me by actually going #2 on the toilet for the first time - a major triumph (and one I didn't dare hope he might achieve so quickly). Amazing, the things one finds oneself celebrating so heartily when parenting a toddler... But truly, I had never been so proud of him!

Surfer dudes

Y. has caught the surfing bug, with the assistance of our friend and next-door-neighborhood Chuck (whom Y. calls his "surfing guru.") The board that Y. bought off craigslist in mid-July has worked well for him and has actually been getting a good bit of use. He and Chuck hit the waves four times last week, most sessions being at 6 AM, pre-work. Impressive commitment! Y. is a beginner but is making good progress, and the two guys really enjoy going together - a plus for everyone, wives included.

Y. realized he could benefit from having a second board as well, ideally a shorter one, and Chuck surprised him on Saturday by bringing him over a perfect one that he'd stumbled upon at a great price. It was pretty touching, and both Chuck and Y. were thrilled about the gift and the board itself. They tried to surf it yesterday but it was flat so they bagged it.

Y. and I actually watched a surfing DVD this weekend that Chuck loaned us... Y. used the word "sick" during the viewing to describe some of the colossal waves, which was a first for me.

New parenthood! (Our cows, that is)

Red-letter day yesterday! Our two cows, Freddy and Cinder, are finally parents. Cinder delivered a jet-black Scottish Highland calf yesterday, a bull. He was breach and the delivery was difficult... Our friend Conrad, with whom the cows now live, had to help pull him out, and apparently the mother, Cinder, appeared initially unwilling to care for the calf as a result. Not good news. Today was an improvement though, and things are going better - as the second photo displays.

The cows are so hairy and wide that it was unclear till recently whether Cinder was actually pregnant, so this is great news. Y. was sad to miss such an auspicious occasion. Co-owner Conrad, with whom Y. has formed the "Mandico Cattle Company" (true story... it's a combination of the two last names; they are even registered with the Highland Cattle Company!) did a great job all around.

How does one go about naming a new baby cow anyway, exactly? This is a first for us.

On MOPS and MOMS

Some of you will chuckle to learn that I've joined the leadership team for the mothers' group that's offered by the church Y. and I are attending (Ventura Missionary Church). Comical, I know, given that we've been going there for just a month! My friend and neighbor Kim goes there with her family (her kids are pictured here at Q's birthday celebration], and she asked me if I'd be interested in filling one of their leadership openings in August, so I started noodling it during the church-search phase.

Back in NH, I hugely valued the kids' and my participation in the local MOPS ["Mothers of Preschoolers"] chapter at our church. The two hours we spent their twice a month on a Wednesday morning were satisfying and enriching for all of us - kids and me alike. The childcare was stellar, the chance for the kids (especially J.) to interact with others his age was helpful, and my opportunity to have some regular "adults only" time focused specifically on mothering and family-related issues was invaluable. I never missed a session.

The mothers' group at our new church is modeled on MOPS but is not part of the national organization. It's called MOMS for "Making Our Mothering Significant." Can you stand these acronyms? But the format is virtually identical, and many of the speakers/topics they're covering this fall look similar to those of my former MOPS. One thing I like about this group is that the leadership team meets regularly for not just group planning/admin but also a corporate Bible study - so my involvement at that level is like a two-for-one, as I'd otherwise not be in a women's study. They are doing a Beth Moore study - the first I've ever done, which I'm excited about since I've long known of her - one on the book of Daniel, with video sessions. Beth sure is as much of a live wire as her reputation indicates... but so far I really like her.

There is a mini-retreat for MOMS leaders this evening 6 - 10 pm and tomorrow morning, 8:30 - 12 noon, so Kim and I will minivan ourselves over there to hang with the ladies, with whom I've so far been pretty impressed... Should be interesting.

Neighborhood life

Yesterday there was a Labor Day party on our street. The neighbors were all there with their meats to grill and side dishes to share; a huge "Jolly Jumper" (at home we call them 'bouncy castles') for the kids to jump on; and good cheer to spread around. It was coordinated by the informally dubbed social coordinator on the street, Mosey, and her husband and held outside their house on one of the street's two cul-de-sac circles.

The kids had a good time and Y. and I enjoyed the chance to meet new neighbors and hang out with the ones we'd already met. We agreed that our street and its inhabitants are as good an example as any of sociable, pleasant neighborhood life. The fireman, policeman, dentist, and vet who are our immediate neighbors are the best any could ask for. Still, we are really struggling with the transition into a close-quarter neighborhood of this type... especially Y. While we predicted this, the reality of it is setting in now and he struggles with feeling like a caged animal in our house and in the town. The daily norms of small childrens' recreational life here - going to the playground; playing on the (tiny) backyard playset; riding bikes on the sidewalk - are not those that he daydreams about his kids doing. And for himself, the lack of land and space cramps his soul on a daily basis. Today is the two-month anniversary of our move, and it is clearly the single biggest adjustment that we are facing and trying to figure out how to deal with...